i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
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Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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