Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat

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(601): View more from Mississippi

you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.

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(970): View more from Colorado

But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"

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(520): View more from Arizona

Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.

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(916): View more from California

We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench

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(+61): View more from Australia

I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?

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(480): View more from Arizona

I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing

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