I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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