he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
