Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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