Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
