it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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