Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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