My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
