then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
