i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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