We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
