Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
