This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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