The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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