I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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