i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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