Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
