No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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