Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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