I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
