I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
