Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
