So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
