Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Life is so much better after having sex.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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