I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
