Moan for me like Helen Keller
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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