was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
