He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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