The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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