So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
