Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
