So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
