literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
