Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
