you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
