I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
