Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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