I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
