Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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