you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
