everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
