soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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