how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
