I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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