No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
