Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
