There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
God, I missed his penis.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
