Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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