I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
