You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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