why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
