So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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