im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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