well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
