I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
