Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
