pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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