They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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