Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
