That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
