Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
