he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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