"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you had me at cake vodka
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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