i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
