my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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