I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
