You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
