I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
