i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
