happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
