An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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