Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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