he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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