omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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